It was such a crazy two weeks for me, with a BIIIGG roller coaster of emotion. Work makes me crazy, my friends make me crazy, everything makes me crazy.
So last Saturday, 22 February 2014, Jakarta was raining like crazy and I had to go places to places in the middle of the rain, including (for the first time) meeting Tika, a vocalist that I knew through twitter and mutual friend. We recorded a song semi professionally in a recording studio, John Legend's All Of Me. Honestly speaking, I never heard the song before, so it was pretty much a "crash course" for me. But it turned out pretty ok, so I was happy with the result.
After the recording session, I went back to the city centre to had one of the most confusing yet lovely, happy and heartbreaking night. A night where laughter, knowledge and great company melted with unknown future, empty promises and warm embrace. I thought I was doing pretty ok, but that night, I just realised that.... I failed. You stuck like a chewed gum in a shoe and it's so damn hard to clean.
So, here it is, John Legend's All of Me, a cover by Tikatiqe on vocal and me on piano.
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you
I know I supposed to work now, but I need to channel my feeling.
Somehow I don't feel settled, everyday in the office only became another scourge for me. I don't feel calm and comfortable, I feel in a rush and afraid. Afraid that I couldn't live the expectation, afraid that I fail in my job.
My heart beats very hard every morning, because I'm afraid.
It seems I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
The earth is on fire, literally. As I'm writing this, thousands Indonesian are at the shelter due to the volcanic eruption yesterday. Since the beginning of this year, we already had two volcanic eruption in two islands. Let's hope and pray that the other volcanoes are in deep slumber. Not to mention the rainy season this year is pretty bad. Last month we faced heavy flood in various places in Indonesia, had an earthquake, now the volcanoes.
This week marks my comeback in the office. It feels weird actually, cause I'm still not used waking up early, go to the office, and face some negative energy. But so far, I survived, and I'm pretty happy with that. Minus the fact that I my office e-mail wasn't working until today and there are just lots of things that I have to do. It also feels... lonely sometimes. I don't know. Probably I'm still not really used with the new arrangement.
Yesterday, something happen at home that I can't even.... It's just very severe that I don't even know how to response. Surviving is the only option that we have now.
On the brighter side, Trankov - Volosozhr got gold medal!! Yay! And somehow I ended up watching lots of figure skating videos. I also learned about all other awesome winter sports such as speed skating, halfpipe snowboarding, ski jumping, etc. Winter olympics looks very fun!
I also made a new song! Finished only in a day. Well, I already had the lyric for a month. I dedicate this song to all people who come into my life, passing by, linger a little bit, then gone forever, but leaves a deep mark in my heart. Kala Malam Tiba or Evening, the third song in my "song cycle", after Tale of Two Lovers and Dusk.
"Wishing for the morning to disappear
And the evening halt
So then you will stay..."( Kala Malam Tiba or When Evening ComesCollapse )
This is weird. I hangout with my fellow ANU-ers, and I just realised that I haven't really write something in Indonesian in the past...... 4 years? I mean, during my stay in Australia, of course I had to write all my papers in English. But then when I'm back here, especially after I work in the Embassy, I also have to write official letters and others in English. Even my blogs are written in English! My friend told me that I should try to write something in Indonesian, just to make sure I still have my native language skill.
So now, I'm trying to write a blog post in semi-formal Indonesia #fingercross( It's Indonesian time!Collapse )
Gosh, it's hard. And embarrassing.
ps: I'm rooting for Tatina Volosozhar and Maksim Trankov! They're awesome.
First of all, I would like to say "Happy Lunar New Year!" Xin Nian Kuai Le. May we all have a prosperous year in this horse year!
Now let's get to the weekly burst, shall we?( Yo!Collapse )
So yeah, I think that's all from me.
Dear FujiTV who made all the Hamonep audition videos only available in Japan...
Someone who auditioned for Hamonep too long long time ago.
ps: Yes, I know, a total random post.
Just a quick burst. I really don't know how my teacher taught me how to make the tone, how to create and feel the music. Really, how did they do it? Cause now, I feel completely utterly confuse how to make sure my student has the tone for every era, how to make them know (feel!) where to put your breath, to take time, to sing and create the music. If I'm teaching the beginner, this might be not the case, but my intermediate and late intermediate students?
- Music:Albeniz - Malaguena from Suite Espana
I never intended to make this as a daily life journal. Nope. But somehow, I'm in an urge to write something, to say something, and this LJ is the closest that I have at the moment.( Just another boring ramblingCollapse )
Anyway, this is the first time I watch an episode of Bones and it actually made me think of something. If you know that your chance of living is not that high, are you going to fight to live, or stop fighting and try to do things that you really want to do in your live? If it's me, I think I'm going to fight, cause I'm a fighter. I always try me best to survive, that's my nature.
ps: Dear Takeshi Kaneshiro, why oh so good looking?
pps: I can't promise anything, but I think there will be new videos coming for tembangcilik and my personal YT account.
I couldn't even form any word, let alone a sentence. All the pent up emotion are killing me slowly. But just like a person who is struggling against their addiction, endurance, patience and self control are needed to get me pass through this phase.
Ketika bahagia itu pergi
Ketika hangat itu sirna
Ada keping yang tertinggal
Dan akan bertahan
This is weird. I'm in Jogja but somehow feedjit is detecting that I'm in West Java?
Yes. I'm accepting the invitation from my friend to come and visit her house in Jogja. Not to mention that I'm eager to try the old-but-new Halim Perdanakusuma airport. So here I am! Enjoying myself and indulging great food from Kauman area.
So I'm obsessed with musicals. I love musicals, the music, the lyrics, everything! I mentioned before that somehow I really want to see New York City. One of the reason is Broadway. I REALLY want to see a show in Broadway, any show. But then I discover West End productions, and I'm amazed.
With the power of youtube, I found the video of Louise Dearman and Rachel Tucker singing For Good. But then I was shocked, because there's a video of Louise Dearman singing Defying Gravity.
What? Louise Dearman played both Glinda and Elphaba? What? Only at West End, people, at West End.
So one day, I'll go to London and spend days watching shows there. One day.
For proof, this the video of Dearman as Glinda, singing Popular.
And Dearman as Elphaba, singing the oh so magnificent Defying Gravity.
Dearman singing Defying Gravity on West End Live 2013
I can't say I dislike romance. I'm female anyway and somehow, it's in our blood, whether we like it or not. But every time I watch some romance movie or (somehow ended) reading romance story, most of the time it makes me cringed and feel annoyed. Why? Cause I feel the story is pretty illogical or the characters are just too annoying and make me feel like slapping them. Well, romance itself can't be measured logically, but still. What irk me most is when the female character is just too weak to defend herself, or to stand on their feet, or to tell their loved ones that they love them. Just say it for sake! On top of that, all these romance stories are merely stories. Real life is far from that. Or at least I know mine is not like that (I even doubt that I have one).( under the cut!Collapse )
So my contract ended at the end of December 2013. Today I'm at the office to clean my desk. Somehow, I would like to make a memento of my "cleaning day" by updating this LJ.
I watched a video about #365grateful. I feel like doing one, but instead of photos, I feel like making a craft journal. I might not be able to update everyday, but it feels fun. Making a corner in my room where I put all my scrapbooking utensils, and make sure to update my craft journal sounds interesting!
I ramble, therefore I live. And to close this post, I want to quote a lyric from Wicked:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So, let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
Thank you, for all the laugh, tears, joys, knowledge that you already gave to me in the past months. And to you, for making me happy.
Nine hours and two minutes in 2014 and I already feel like punching someone's face. And what I've done so far in 2014? Watching Veep. Both seasons.
The boring and oh so annoying Miranti.
Exactly the last day of 2013. In a few hours (GMT+7), 2014 will come and somehow, I don't really care about that. I mean, in my calendar, we have three new years (Moslem, Chinese, Gregorian), what makes this new year more special than others? Nevertheless, here I am, writing my LJ, reminiscing 2013.( My life in brief in 2013Collapse )
I think that's all from me. I'll edit this post once I remember something that I need to write. My life is totally random, but a friend told me that random is good. I can tell lots of stories by being random.
with love and smile in my face.
ps: pretty pissed off atm. Not closing 2013 in happy mood it seems.
1. I will make sure that the next time I give my submission, I won't sing any more. I'll just stick with my instrument. Instrumentalists receive more time frame!
2. Musicals, musicals everywhere, I'm happy to know that there are full shows in youtube! I fell deeper into this endless pit.
3. It's 4 years late, but I like 3 idiots. And yes Aamir Khan is good looking.
4 I had too many commitments that I started to feel confuse. I lost motivation on doing some of them, I feel bad. Very bad. The problem is, how to gather all the interest and motivation back? I've tried, and I failed. And no, I don't hate failure, but I hate that I disappointed people. I gave my word, and I have to finish it. But how? How to ignite the passion that is not already there any more?
5. LIfe. I've had countless hellos and goodbyes, and no matter how many times I had it, it never easy. Call me a cry baby or sensitive, but it's true. Yes, it is natural for us to feel sad when parting with places or people that we love and care. But when I thought I'm already used to it, I'm back to ground zero again.
Modifying a quote by a friend, every beginning has it ends, and every new chapter of life has some challenges that we have to face. It might be for better or worse, but that's life.
6. I miss Canberra. Have I said that for the xxxxth times already?
7. Today is the Mother Day in Indonesia. My twitter's timeline is flooded with all the great sayings about mothers. I feel very bad because I can't say that about my own mother. No, she's not always there for me, but so am I. She rarely makes me smile, but I also rarely make her smile. She often makes me cry and even hurt me physically and mentally, but I also did the same thing to here.
Despite everything, she's still my mother, and I love her. I might not show it, but she always there in my pray. Everyday. Wishing that she will be ok and she will be healthy again, mentally. I am sorry I've been such a subpar child for you. I've tried, and you somehow trust your voices instead of me. It hurts, but that's you. And I love you.