Log in

newest rambling 
1st-Jul-2015 11:22 am - 28 Days
commonly unique
I do not know why there is something about the term "28 Days" that make me feel sentimental. Probably because of the movie, but I never watched "28 Days" movie.

So I thought, probably I should make a song about 28 Days, but I don't even know 'Why it has to be 28 days?'. I asked a friend of mine to write a lyric about 28 days, but it didn't worked out. So for months, the term "28 Days" just lingered in my mind.

Until yesterday.

My voluntary redundancy was agreed. My office offered a VR option and I applied for it. Yesterday, I signed the acceptance letter, and somehow, I felt relieved. I will be in this office until the next 28 days.

Yes, I will start with my new office on 3 August and it will be much different compared to my previous works. This time, I will help starting an office from scratch. I will work with a very small team. My new office will not be within my walking nor cycling distance. No more stable nice office, cause my new one is a temporary one and it seems like we're going to move next year. This will be something new, a new challenge. I'm up to it, but we'll see.

So 28 more days, until I leave this computer, this chair, this desk. Until I say another farewell to my lovely colleagues. It's weird that I thought I'm ready for this, that this is what I've been waiting for since months ago. But when it happened, there's this little pang in my heart. A little sadness that somehow always happen when we part with something that we used to. That pang that feels like you'll be forgotten. There's also a little doubt, asking whether I took a good decision.

But I took it already, and I'll live it. I'll survive, like always.


ps: jealousy is really human being biggest enemy. And I'm not immune to it too.
15th-Jun-2015 03:15 am - Let's get drunk on our tears
commonly unique
Lost stars. I heard this song ages ago. Downloaded the movie (Begin Again) illegally (who download movie legally here?), but when I knew it's going to be played here in Jakarta, I resist the urge to see Mark Rufallo and Keira Knightley on my 12 inch laptop monitor. I waited, and it finally arrives here two weeks ago.

Begin Again will be on my top 10 favourite movie ever. There is something about that movie that touches me deeply. Probably it shows me some hope, probably it's about finding yourself, or probably because it's about music and it connects with my real life. The point is, this movie struck me through the heart, and I can't stop thinking about it. But the highlight of the movie is no other than the climax song, the song that started and ended it all: Lost Stars.

As a non native speaker, my first reaction when I listen to the lyric is "What the hell is this?". But the more I read, the more I hear, it feels like the lyric shows many layers. It shows vulnerability, helplessness, hope and wishful thinking, searching for things we might not know what is it, yet it is there, Somehow I feel that the words are there not only because of the meaning, but it gives some nuance, sense, that makes it deeper than just words. I don't have any idea how many times i've been listening to this song. I can't help it, it speaks for me.

"Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears"

4th-Jun-2015 03:02 am - Love is to letting go
commonly unique
Well, that's what Beast said on Beauty and The Beast musical, and yes people, I WATCHED A MUSICAL PRODUCTION! Like, A REAL PRODUCTION!

The caps lock is necessary since I, a big fans of musical, have only seen a musical production for once, and it was My Fair Lady in Singapore. You can imagine how ecstatic I was when I heard that Beauty and The Beast is coming to Jakarta. Seems like the new Ciputra Artpreneur Center is going to show international production musicals regularly, and they started it with an all time favourite, Beauty and the Beast.

I was in love again. Be Our Guests and Tale as Old as Time are classic, but Home and Change in Me stucks in my head, veeeery stuck in my mind. And I was very amazed with the whole production. The sets, how they arranged all the transitions, the effects, the costumes (!), the music, and of course, the cast. I really like Hilari Meiberger, who played as Belle. Her voice is very...princessy... somehow reminds me of Lea Salonga. Gaston and Lefou character are soo much fun, and the choreography was amazing too. Have I mentioned how adorable Chip was? Sappy me, after the show ended, I felt like crying. You know, that feeling when you love something very much that you can't even control your emotion? Well, I love musical that much.

And what makes want to cry again is because THEY WILL SHOW SOUND OF MUSIC NEXT! IN JAKARTA!
I can guarantee, this will be a sing a long show for me. Everyone who knows me know how much obsessed I am with Sound of Music.

So if I can't come to Broadway, let the Broadway comes to Jakarta. Or West End. Anything!

29th-May-2015 12:21 am - That churning feeling
commonly unique
The memories that was so strong not even your worst nightmare can erase it. The moment when what you've been praying for happened and you feel some of your worries are gone. The time when you feel you lost half of your soul and it will not coming back, at least not in the near future. That moment when you feel like turning back the time so all this mess will not happen.

It's all mixing, like a gado-gado. Bittersweet, but that's life: you can't expect everything to be merry and happy all the time.

But at the moment, I want sugar, lots of it, in the hope that the bittersweet will turn into something sweet and less bitter.

Yes, I'm sappy and can't move on. It makes me feel pathetic cause this is such a useless feeling. But I can't help it.

I am missing. Too much.
17th-May-2015 04:54 am - In Rage
commonly unique
I'm in rage. Too many things made me furious in the past week, from family gathering that just highlighted how.... close minded some of my family member (and by saying close-minded, believe me, I'm being very euphemistic) to some tv variety show. I'll skip the story of family now cause it might stir some discomfort, so let's talk about my other rage: American Idol.

Yes, I'm a fan of singing reality show. You might say AI has lost its charm since way back then, but it always fun to see people with talent singing live. And this year, I felt the feeling like when Adam Lambert didn't win the show, or Jessica Sanchez. Yes, I'm rooting for Jax and Clark. The reason is obvious: they are musician. I like Jax since her audition, and Clark since the House of Blues performance. But Clark really stole my heart when he sang that awesome arrangement of Sunday Morning.

Nick, the so called the winner of AI 2015, is a good singer. However, I don't know why since day 1, I don't feel his appeal. He sings similar song, and I don't find his voice distinctive, especially when we have Joey and Jax in the same season. Music wise, he sings the mid tempo rock that generally well liked. But that's the point, I feel like I can hear lots of singer like him. He knows how to perform, he is interactive, he is well liked, but that's it. However, I can feel he is growing, especially on the top two when he sing the new single. And somehow the judge and scott likes him very much. He is markettable, and I think that's why he won the competition.

Clark. To sum up, if there's someone that can make me like Bieber song, you know that he's good. Seriously. To turn generic song with bad lyric into a very nice acoustic well presented song needs lots (LOTS) of creativity and effort. And Clark did it. He's very talented, very musical, a wide vocal range, and he can arrange songs! Put different chords from the original, ad some length in peak of the sentence, etc. The bad thing is, Clark is an old soul. He's comfortable singing Stevie Wonder or Dobby Brothers. He took risk by singing pretty different songs, sometimes falls into his comfortable zone (Every Breath You Take rendition is amaaazing), sometimes it's not, but he did it anyway. Artistry, that's what I really appreciate from him. And yes, it feels like during the end of the season, he lost it, I don't know why. I also feel sometimes he rush the end of the sentence, finishing notes too abruptly. But he got it all the package.

Don't forget Jax, my other fav. Since I saw her audition, I could sense she will go very far, even win the competition. She's unique, expressive, and she knows what her style is. She knows her voice, and no matter what song is, she can make it her own. She might not have the big range, but once she sings, you know it's her. She's a great stage performer, and gosh, she replies youtube comments! My bet was Jax and Clark as top two. Very shocked when I knew she was voted off on the top three.

But probably, with Jax and Clard don't win AI will make their music career grow.

So yeah, congratulations AI, for finishing another year. I heard it's going to be cancelled. Good, so I don't have to write another rage post.


22nd-Apr-2015 04:40 pm - Down!
commonly unique
Stay at home, Down with cold with heavy cough and runny nose. But I finished a book! A pretty nice one, and this is the quote at the end of it:

21st-Apr-2015 01:03 am - Sanctuary
commonly unique
Digital life, social media, can make our life pretty f***** up. That's the message that I got after watching "Men, Women, and Children". It's like a double-edged sword. In one side, all the online world gives you freedom, a freedom to be you or anything that you want. A freedom to write anything, say anything, show anything. It has a vast population and pretty much the world is your audience. Who doesn't want their videos to be viewed by million of subscribers? Or meet people who share the same interest with you without being burdened by geographical boundaries? Or simply being connected to people that you care regardless the time and distance.

But all the good things come with a price. You can't control your online world, no matter how hard you tried. Like this blog. Every one can read what I'm writing. Probably there are some of you who are my family, my real life friend, my stalker, my online friends, or simply a stranger that based on some algorithms stumbled to my blog. You can't control what you're looking too. Yes, we have choices to filter what we want to read or see online. But sometimes those filters aren't working, and you just feel disgusted, crazy, sad, frustrated, in rage, for things that you accidentally or not acidentally found online. It's funny how our life now is controlled by some algorithms.

So I had some episodes, and it still running until now. I feel enraged, jealous, angry, about every thing! About things that I found around my social media, about people, about everyone. I just....dislike everyone. I don't see the point why you all (according your online persona) looks very happy, content, satisfied with your life, while I'm just... here, dealing with myself, with all my problems, my anxiety, my dislike of myself. I don't get it why people think I should be doing this or that, or why people think I'm this or that. It's just pressuring and I dislike it. It just makes me dislike myself more and more. It takes months for me to start being positive again, and not even now I can say that I'm back to how I used to be, because I'm not. I've been trying to move on, left the past and try to find myself again. It's damn hard. I'm trying, but it still hard.

I don't want to trust people, to hang on to them, cause the last time I really trust someone, it just went bad. And it hurts. And I believe it is a very normal thing for a human being to be defensive, to protect themselves. It might sounds wrong, but this is what I'm doing now, try not too involved with people. I'm functioning perfectly fine actually. I do my job very well regardless how I feel about it. I hang out sometimes, went to some events, trying to be normal. But no matter how I tried, I just don't feel it. I do not feel content, or happy. In the end, I keep on good relations with people even though sometimes it kills me, and I keep people in distance too, even though it kills me.

Then here I am, in my livejournal, in my little sanctuary, where I can say what I want to say, where I don't give a s*** about what people think of me, where I can dump all my songs, my feelings, my life. I need to move forward, and this is just one way to deal with it: by writing about it. Cause at least I can figure out what is wrong.

But no matter what, when the day ends, all I long is a warm embrace where I can cry the s*** out of me.

commonly unique
Mind you, this is gonna be my first (and probably last?) of its kind, a non-geek, tech noob female review of a mobile phone!

I'm a picky buyer. If I want to buy something (especially if it's pricey), I googled and googled, to ensure I choose the good one. So for around a year, I've been wanted to buy a new phone, but this time, instead going with my usual $200 budget, I want to have a very good one. I used Xperia J and a pretty shitty K-Touch phone before and I want to have something better. I was looking for a small phone (cause I have pretty small chubby hand) with good photo quality, good recording quality, crisp screen, proper battery life (I don't want to charge twice a day), and since it's a smart phone, I want at least 2 GB RAM and a pretty fast processor.

I ended up eyeing for Xperia Z1 compact. I was prett happy with Xperia J since it somehow has very good voice recording quality (pretty much all my recent soundcloud and youtube recording were recorded with my Xperia J). I lost count of people saying, "Really? It was recorded by phone?". Not to mention for below 5 inch phone, Z1 Compact has the highest spec compare to other phones. It has good battery life too and I read lots of good review about that phone. So for around 6 months, I've been waiting for Z1 compact price to drop a little by little.

But then in the last quarter of 2014, Sony released Z3 compact with better spec than Z1 Compact. Oh my, I'm doomed. The price is around $130 much more expensieve than Z1 Compcat (which is a lot for Rupiah), so I've been in doubt about that. But after a while, I surrender. Finally two months ago I bought my orange Z3 compact.

I was very happy cause I never had a phone with such good performance. Very fast, highly responsive, long battery life (not as long as my J, but I can go a full day with only one charging, and I'm a pretty active user), great screen, good voice recording quality, good camera, I was very happy with that. My only concern was I couldn't move apps to SD card and I read some people complained about the glass cracking.

Then this morning, I got a notification that I need to update my phone. I was very surprise to see that after months, Sony finally slowly update their devices with Android 5.02 (Lollipop)!!! I've been waiting this to happen cause theoretically, Lollipop has faster response and better battery life. So I played around with my phone and how happy I am to see that now my Z3 Compact can move apps to SD Card! Not only that, Lollipop has a new feature where we can change keyboard easily. Before, I had to go to setting to change my keyboard since I sometimes used google japanese keyboard. But now fear no more my friend, cause the button is stick there on the corner to change keyboard!

As for the home screen and the whole visual design, I never use Xperia home anyway. I always use launcer and this time, I use smart launcher. A very simple, clean, fast launcher with pretty minimal ads, not like Go Launcer that I used to use before. For glass cracking issue, I cover my phone with a soft case and so far so good. I've dropped my phone for few times and so far my phone can handle it.

So yeah, I'm happy with my phone.

9th-Mar-2015 04:14 pm - Ukulele
commonly unique

My first song in Engliiissshhh! Never thought I would make a lyric in English, even though the lyric is very simple and basic. This is a very random song. I was about to sleep when I got the melody, then I had the lyric idea just a day after, as simple as that. English is my second language, I am not really used with playing with the words. But this is a playful song that's just for.. fun, so I kind of not using my usual word style. Nevertheless, even this is a playful song, I really mean all the words. Hey, ukulele is not as easy as it looks, people! It still hurts!

I just want to say
"Hi, how are you my dear friend?"
So I made this song for you

Ukulele!Collapse )
9th-Mar-2015 05:15 am - Someday
commonly unique
I read manga.

Today I spent my day browsing mangafox and I ended up in a manga which I forgot the title cause I pretty much skim the whole story. But during the end of the story, there's a quote that made me think,

" 'Someday' will never come"

How many times we think of something that we are going to do or to have "someday"? I, for instance, often said "I will have my own shop someday". For others, it might be something like, "I will stop smoking someday" or "I will visit you someday". But sometimes (or most of the times?), that day is not coming. We sometimes waiting for "the right moment" and "we will know when that moment comes",  but what if it will not come because we simply do not do anything about it? Someday might happen because there is a chain of events or interconnected events that lead to that someday. It might require lots of thinking, calculation, decision making, that might not easy to do. Yet, a small step is still a step. Rather than waiting for someday, or waiting for that moment comes to take the giant leap, probably those baby steps could connect you to other events in your life that might lead to someday. So rather than just saying, "I'll have my own tiny shop someday", probably it is better to start seriously expand my business, hire more people, more active in social media, go from bazaar to bazaar again, etc. Rather than saying, "I will visit you someday", it is better to start the trip plan, calcualte the budget, and save money.

Cause "someday" might not coming, that the day I have been wishing for ages might not happen.

ps: missing is an understatement. 
25th-Feb-2015 09:53 pm - Sing, sing, sing!
commonly unique

So I've been in love with a cappella for decades. It started with a video clip of Neri Per Case on TV back then when I was 10 years old. I went through all those napster, audiogalaxy, until youtube era to find all a cappella gems. I was ecstatic when I finally had my a cappella group in Japan, and beyond blissed when I watched my favourite groups in concert in Australia. Now I'm back here and I kind of not really catching up with a cappella.

 But two weeks ago, there's an a cappella group from The Netherlands which is called The Junction that performed here. Of course I went to their concert. They are very good! They have pretty interesting arrangement, solid vocal, they made their own songs, and the fact they're only two years old make them much much awesome. But somehow, watching them make bother about two things. One, why Pentatonix became very famous while there are heaps of groups that as good (if not better) than them? Pentatonix is very good, but admit it, their arrangement is not stellar. Good, but not exceptionally good. They have awesome beatboxer though. Second, it annoys me a little bit how some of the crowd think very highly of The Junction, just because they rarely heard other a cappella group.

The point is, there are hundreds of groups out there, and I feel sad because some of the very good one are rarely heard here. And I don't understand why a cappella culture is not very common here, while there are thousands of good choir all over Indonesia? Is it because it's hard to find beatboxers? Is it because singing a cappella means you need to have a very very good pitch control? Or because we need to read sheets? Or...?

But whatever it is, Naturally7 is coming to Jakarta next week, hail music without musical instruments!


22nd-Feb-2015 05:10 am - Wire basket
commonly unique
So FIli&Lino is going to have a pretty big even in the next three months. Our problem now is the booth display (beside our other main problem: production itself!). I've been lurking all over the web, and I'm in love with wire baskets or wire display. Something like this, this, or this. The problem is, I don't know where to find it in Jakarta! I've been to various shops and nope. The closest thing to these are at Scoop, but the wire basket there is so damn expensive!

And you may already know that IKEA is now open in Jakarta (well, Banten Province to be exact). So I thought, why not try find something there, especially when I pretty much fed up with Ace Hardware and Informa. And I found some stuff that I really like: a brand new RISATORP trolley (it's not even on their cataloge and website yet). Believe me, it's pretty big, not like in the photo. Pretty pricey, it's almost IDR 1 million (80USD) here, but I can imagine it will look pretty nice with our pouches etc. I'm also thinking of having one of their LACK long low table, for additional display if needed.

So, any idea where I can find an affordable wire basket here? And any thought about our product display? Where can I find good quality stuff for display that doesn't kill our bank account?


3rd-Feb-2015 03:26 am - I'm Hungry.
commonly unique
Seriously. I gained weight and I keep on feeling hungry. Is stress coming to me in the form of gluttony?

This year celebrates bicentennial of Tambora eruption. Do you know what happened with the world when Mount Tambora errupted? A year without summer in Europe on 1816, failed crop all over the world, massive climatic change which was shown by crazily high rainfall, snow, and global decrease of temperature. It was the most devastating eruption ever recorded.

I put my threads, seam ripper, needles, on a used cookie can. Oh my, I'm becoming my grandmother.

This is a total useless random post in the middle of the night.

And I'm hungry.

25th-Jan-2015 04:15 pm - Day 25
commonly unique
The world is a total reminder that I'm a complete failure.

You walk to the office. You see people with the same age as you working at a much higher position than you with salary 3x bigger than you. And you work "for" that person.

You work, and your counterpart is a freshgraduate who are 6 years younger than you and still have a better future than you.

You hang out with people, and you keep on hearing the talk on how succesfull people are with their job. How people are renting places with rent as high as your one month salary. How so awesomely smartass those people are that make you feel you are in a lesser caste than those people.

You went back home, and your mother expects you to have your own house in 5 years.

You go around, and you realise you have a better life than most of people around you, and you still feel unsatisfied and unhappy, and it makes you feel really bad.

You go online, and you want to go forward and be better, but it feels so hard to escape from all the stress and pressure that builds around you.

"I don't understand why people are very fascinated with things, money, materials. It is superficial. Your happiness are not measured by all the materials that you have"

Unfortunately, it is what people think as a measurement of success, and it is all around me, and I am drowned in that trend, and I hate it.

12th-Jan-2015 03:42 am - Days
commonly unique
Happy New Year 2015, everyone! It's already day 11 of 2015. I'm very happy that 2014 is over, cause really, within my 28 years living in this world, 2014 is the shittiest year, ever. So dear 2015, please don't slap too hard. I was trying my best to stand up again, and I don't think I could survive if life slap me hard again.

But today, I was slap again with the reality, that my close relative is a.... bigot. I do not understand their utter hatred towards something. Dislike it sooo much that it clouded ther objectivity. I do not understand why the hatred, why can't you see it from different perspective? I am sorry, but I do not think I would like to see you pretty often. It's too hard to hear all your negative thoughts and preach. I can't.


ps: I still dislike my job.
10th-Nov-2014 11:18 pm - Today, a year ago
commonly unique
So today is Heroes Day in Indonesia, a rememberance day of an heroic act in Surabaya to defend our independence from colonialists.

So life happen. Time changes. People come and go. And I stuck in a new job that I'm not really sure I'm going to stay for long, eventhough my employment is a permanent one.

Just got the result of my piano student's examination. I'm surprised! It seems like the examiner really like his playing, his style. Honestly speaking, I didn't have great expectations cause I struggle pretty hard teaching this student, but in the end, he did it, we did it. I'm happy for him.

JifFest is around the corner and I'm happy cause they'll have "Culinary Cinema" as their theme this year. La mia preferita! Min favorit! Food is good. Food is life. Food fills you with happiness.

That's all folks!

30th-Oct-2014 12:35 pm - Good Morning, Jakarta!
commonly unique
My latest song, still draft, since my friend who usually sang my songs are still not in Jakarta.

The title is Selamat Pagi, Jakarta! (Good morning, Jakarta!). This is about the usual morning in Jakarta, that whatever happen in this big city, life will still running.

lyric/music: keretaterakhir

Hiruk riuh terdengar tak henti
Tanda hari mulai berlari
Walau waktu baru pukul lima pagi

Membuka mata
Dengan setengah terpejam kumulai beranjak
Berat rasa berpisah dengan bantalku

Mungkin mentari kan menyambut
mungkin awan hitam pun menggelayut
Mungkin hujan kan membasahi wajahku
Apapun yang terjadi
Ku kan tetap melangkah

Mengarungi lautan manusia yang mengejar mimpi di ibukota
Walau lelah namun senyum tetap terkembang

Mungkin riang akan menyapa
mungkin resah akan hinggap di hati
Mungkin kesal tak mau segera usai
Apapun yang terjadi
Ku kan tetap melangkah

Walau hari masih panjang
namun ku lega kita masih bisa berjumpa
Selamat pagi, Jakarta!
16th-Oct-2014 01:58 pm - The Last Song
commonly unique
Nope, it doesn't mean that I stop making songs. This is a song that I made months ago but re-recorded. The title is Lagu Terakhir aka The Last Song. This is a song about moving forward from the past, from the injusticeness, from the pain, from all the lingering memories that was real but no more.

So please take a look, The Last Song

Vocal: Damar
Lyric/Music/Piano: Miranti



Kaulah napas yang mengisi relung kalbu
Ku bertahan saat kau pergi tuk menjauh

Ku hanyalah kabut yang melintas sesaat.
Ku tersadar tiada diriku tertinggal

Saatnya menutup cerita tiada akhir
Yang hanya menyemai harap
Melupakan buaian indah
Yang menghujani mimpi
Dengan air mata

Menutup lembar kisah lalu
Yang hanya menabur luka
Menghapus kata yang tlah terucap
Dari bibirmu

Kelebat sosokmu selalu mengecup tidurku
Namun sudah tiba masa kau pergi tuk selamanya

Aku berhenti dan takkan kembali
Ku memulai langkah meninggalkan bayang lalu
8th-Oct-2014 05:38 pm - Canvas
commonly unique
My latest original song, titled Canvas.

Audio (downloadble)



vocal: @damarda
piano, lyric, and music: keretaterakhir


Sebuah kanvas putih
Ingin terisi dengan gurat
Ia bersenda dan tertawa
Dengan warna-warna

Satupersatu warna tersemai
Menguntai kisah penuh makna
Namun hitam pun berkata
Dan ia tak terhapus
Hangat dan ceria pun terhempas kelam

Kanvas telah terisi
Guratan telah berkelana
Apa yang telah terjadi
Takkan bisa kembali

Warna terus bercinta
Melodi terus terurai
Sampai maaf itu tiba
Dan senyum itu kembali

Satupersatu warna tersemai
Menguntai kisah penuh makna
Realita menyeruak
Kelebat masa lalu
apakah nyata?

Tangis pun hadir, sesal tertinggal.
Akankah kita kembali...
1st-Oct-2014 10:17 pm - 1 October 2014
commonly unique
I'm officially 28, unemployed, single, and with a bleak future.

What will be will be.

This page was loaded Aug 2nd 2015, 6:20 pm GMT.